Divorce

Hello everyone and welcome to EnglishPod.
My name is Marco.
My name is Catherine and today we have an upper intermediate level lesson.
It's kind of bitter, it's a little bit sad, but it's also kind of sweet.
That's right.
We have a lesson today all about getting a divorce or divorcing someone.
Yeah.
So this is what happens when two people's marriage ends.
They decide they want to leave each other.
They have a divorce.
So let's take a listen to today's dialogue and we'll be back in a moment.
Joanne, let's not make this divorce any more acrimonious than it already is, okay?
Let's just get down to business and start dividing this stuff up fairly so we can go
our separate ways, all right?
Fine with me.
I just want to get this over with.
It's important we make a clean break.
I should have signed a prenup.
What was that?
Nothing.
Anyway, you're right.
There's no reason this has to be nasty.
My lawyer tells me that you've accepted our alimony proposal and the division of property
as well as the custody agreement.
I keep the cat and you get the dog.
So that's done.
Finally.
Well, let's not go there, Joanne.
Okay, so let's start with the record collection.
I'll take the albums I contributed and you can have your cheesy disco albums back.
Fine, but I'm keeping the antique gramophone as my grandfather gave it to me.
I believe that was a wedding present to both of us, Joanne, and you hardly ever use it.
He's my grandfather and he never really liked you anyway.
Whatever.
All right, I'll concede the silly gramophone if you'll agree that I get the silver tea
set.
How typical.
When are you ever going to use a silver tea set?
Fine.
I don't want to drag this out any more than necessary.
What's next?
What about these old photographs?
Which ones?
Let me have a look.
Oh, wow, look at that.
That brings back memories.
Remember that?
Our trip to Italy.
I remember that day.
We were going to visit the Trevi Fountain and we got caught in the rain.
And you looked so adorable with your hair all wet.
I did take a picture of you standing there in that little alley, smiling and laughing
in the rain.
Oh, we really did have fun back then, didn't we?
Oh, Joanne, are we making a big mistake?
I know our relationship has been on the rocks for some time, but are you sure we can't reconcile
and try again?
I still love you.
Oh, Jeff, I love you too.
I'm so glad we didn't have to decide who keeps the motorcycle.
The motorcycle?
But that's mine!
All right, we're back.
So now, why don't we take a look at six key words on Language Takeaway.
Language Takeaway Okay, Marco, this first word is what we call
an SAT word.
That means it's very difficult, it's so hard that many high school students in America
study it before they go to college.
Acrimonious.
So, the sentence starts off by saying, let's not make this divorce any more acrimonious
than it already is.
This divorce is very acrimonious, but let's not make it worse.
Okay, so acrimonious would be bitter, very complicated.
Hard.
So people, emotional about it, you know, people, Joanne and Jeff are getting a divorce.
They're very angry at each other.
So they're not having a peaceful divorce.
This is the opposite.
It's very bitter, it's very angry.
Can you say this test is very acrimonious?
No.
Usually, relationships are acrimonious.
For example, ever since they had that big fight, Jeff and Joanne's relationship has
been very acrimonious.
Okay, awesome.
So, acrimonious, a very hard word there.
As you say, many people study it to pass exams in order to go into college.
So now you know.
Now, moving on, we have a very common legal term.
When people are getting married, they want to sign sometimes a prenup.
Yeah, you said it's common.
You hear this a lot in movies and TV.
Yeah, with celebrities.
Yeah, you read about celebrities.
So basically, a prenup is a short way of saying a prenuptial agreement.
Nuptial means having to do with marriage.
Right.
So basically, if you sign a prenup, you are agreeing to certain conditions before you
get married.
That's right.
It's a contract between future husband and future wife about what happens if they divorce.
For example, I decided not to get a prenup with my fiancé because I don't think we'll
get divorced.
But maybe he decided to get a prenup because in case they divorce, he wants to keep his
car.
Right.
So it usually happens a lot with celebrities, as we say, because they have a lot of money.
And if they get divorced, then usually it can get complicated, how much money the spouse
gets, etc.
So maybe their prenuptial agreement or prenup will be that if they get divorced, the wife
may get maybe a million dollars instead of a hundred million dollars.
Exactly.
It's a way many people protect themselves financially in case of divorce.
Very good.
Now, moving on, another legal term and related to money is an alimony.
Okay, so let's look at the context of this word.
Joanne is talking and she says, my lawyer tells me you've accepted our alimony proposal.
Alimony.
So this is probably something to do with money, right?
So she said that her lawyer has proposed an alimony and that's usually a settlement, an
amount of money that you agree on when you get divorced.
Right.
So this is exactly it.
In a divorce, this is how much money one person will pay the other.
That's right.
So if two people are married and when they get a divorce, their alimony may be the husband.
If he's got a lot of money, he will pay an alimony of $500,000.
Right.
And so this is different from property, which is the next thing.
Division of property means that you talk about who will receive the car, the house, things
like that.
Lands.
Okay, very good.
So very complicated situations when you're getting divorced, the prenups and alimony.
But moving on, they were talking about custody as well.
Custody of maybe children, maybe custody of their pets.
That's right.
So you talk about alimony, this is money, property, which is things.
But what about people and animals?
This is called custody.
I want custody.
Custody means caring for something or looking after something.
You could say the child is in the grandmother's custody.
Okay, so in the care of the grandmother.
That's right.
So usually as well, when people get divorced, somebody gets custody of the children.
Right.
So he wants custody, but he doesn't have a job, so she will receive custody.
You could say that.
In this case, though, we're talking about custody of pets, animals.
Right.
In this case, it's animals.
But it's actually true, right?
People when they get divorced, they may ask the court for custody of their pets.
That's right.
And sometimes custody is what makes a divorce extremely acrimonious.
Yes.
Who gets to keep the children?
Who gets to keep the pets?
Now moving on and a little bit away from legal terms, they were dividing up their property
and saying, well, I get to keep this, you get to keep that.
And Joanne said, I'm keeping the antique gramophone as my grandfather gave it to me.
Ha, so who cares about pets and money?
I want the gramophone.
Right.
All right.
So this is actually a word you don't hear very often anymore.
It's an old thing.
And that's what antique means, right?
Antique is old.
Right.
So antique, this is an adjective here.
It can also be a noun.
An antique table, an antique gramophone is something that's very old, like 100 years
old or 150 years old.
And a gramophone is one of those machines that you see in movies that play the old vinyl
records and has like a big horn where the sound echoes.
That's right.
So in the 19th century, early 20th century, people didn't have CDs or MP3s or iPods.
This is how they listened to music.
So you usually have a hand crank.
You have to turn the machine and then the music will play and you can dance and do whatever.
Right.
So that's a gramophone.
Now, moving on to our last word, Jeff said, you know what?
OK, fine.
Keep the gramophone.
All right.
I'll concede the silly gramophone.
So to concede.
To concede means to give up an argument.
OK, so you give up, you give in, you say, all right, take it.
That's exactly right.
So in this case, the argument is who will receive the gramophone?
They fight, they argue.
And finally, Jeff says, I concede.
OK, I give up.
You take it.
And is it only for things or can you also concede someone, like you say somebody is
right?
You can say that or in election, for example, there are two people who want to be president.
And the vote is counted and it's not clear who the president is.
And one person says, fine, I concede.
That means I give up.
You win.
OK, very good.
So to concede.
All right.
Six key words there.
They're very interesting, especially the legal terms.
Very common.
And it's very it's very common and it's very useful for you to know next time you're watching
maybe a movie or something related to this topic.
Hopefully not the next time you're getting divorced.
But move let's move on now to four key phrases that we have for everyone on Fluency Builder.
Fluency Builder.
Margo, let's get this over with.
I'm tired.
I want to go home.
Let's get it over with.
Come on.
Just do it and get it over with.
All right.
So this is our first phrase in Fluency Builder.
To get this over with or to get it over with.
OK, so let's take that as a phrase.
And to get something over with means this just finish it quickly.
Let's stop delaying.
That's right.
This is a this is a way to ask to finish something quickly or to stop something.
So for example, I have to go to the dentist later.
Maybe I really don't want to go.
I'll say to myself, oh, let me just get this over with.
And once it's done, I don't have to worry about it.
Or maybe you have homework to do.
And instead of doing it later, you're like, OK, I'm going to do it now and just get it
over with.
All right.
To get over with to get something over with.
OK.
And when they were talking about breaking up or separating, Joanne mentioned it's important
we make a clean break.
What does she mean by making a clean break?
All right.
We hear this phrase all the time.
It's a very important phrase in the relationships.
It means when two people leave each other, you don't then call them or see each other
or hang out.
It means a clean break.
You stop all together.
You stop something completely.
So you don't talk anymore.
You don't see each other anymore.
You completely just stop contact with each other.
Exactly.
You can also say this about breaking something.
You could say it was a clean break.
When I broke my arm, it was a clean break.
There were no little pieces of bone or any problems.
It was a clean break.
That means completely broke.
OK.
So when we talk about clean break in a relationship, it means we completely break up.
We stop talking to each other and it's over with.
It's in the past.
Exactly.
All right.
So moving on, they were talking and completely, you know, arguing about I get the gramophone,
I get the tea set.
And Joanne said, OK, fine.
I don't want to drag this out any longer than necessary.
So you can hear her, I don't want to drag this out any longer than necessary.
So to drag something out means to extend, to make something longer, to make something
take more time than it should.
OK.
So, for example, if someone's giving a speech, they may be dragging it out.
Right.
And you're like, wait.
So someone's giving a very long speech.
You're like, oh, my God, he's dragging the speech out so long.
Yeah.
When will he ever stop?
Right.
Or you could say in an argument, I'm tired of arguing.
Let's not drag this out anymore.
Let's just stop.
OK.
So to drag something out is usually time related to make things longer than necessary.
Exactly.
All right.
And for our last phrase, when Jeff was talking about the relationship, he says, I know a
relationship has been on the rocks for some time.
OK.
So the relationship was on the rocks.
OK.
So this is an interesting phrase.
Think about rocks.
You know, you see rocks on the ground in the ocean.
Something that's on the rocks, in this case, means something that is not going well.
Something that has problems.
Not going smooth.
Yes, it's not smooth.
So, when Jeff says our relationship has been on the rocks, he's saying we fight a lot.
We have problems.
It's not working.
So, if I say, my company has been on the rocks recently, it means it's not doing very well.
Business is not going well.
OK.
So, you can use this for different things.
Now, obviously, you may have heard it before for drinks.
You say, scotch on the rocks.
Right.
That's different.
Be careful.
In that sentence, Marco's talking about ice.
Right.
Yeah.
So, that's different if you ask for a drink on the rocks.
But if you describe yourself or your company or relationship as being on the rocks, it
means you're having a tough time.
It's a bad situation.
Exactly.
So, it's a very useful phrase.
I think that's very native, very colloquial if you say something like this.
Absolutely.
It's a great phrase to use.
I encourage you.
I mean, I hope that your situation, your work and your relationships are not on the rocks.
But I do hope that when you're practicing speaking, use this phrase a lot because it's
really, really colloquial like you say, Marco.
Yeah.
It's really good.
So, I think we've taken a look at a lot of phrases, a lot of vocab.
Why don't we go back, listen to the dialogue for one last time.
What was that?
Exactly.
Madam please.
disco albums back. Fine, but I'm keeping the antique gramophone as my grandfather
gave it to me. I believe that was a wedding present to both of us Joanne and
you hardly ever use it. He's my grandfather and he never really liked
you anyway. Whatever! Alright I'll concede this silly gramophone if you agree that
I get the silver tea set. How typical, when are you ever going to use a silver
tea set? Fine, I don't want to drag this out any more than necessary.
What's next? What about these old photographs? Which ones? Let me have a
look. Oh wow look at that, that brings back memories. Remember that? Our trip to
Italy, I remember that day. We were going to visit the Trevi Fountain and we got
caught in the rain. And you looked so adorable with your hair all wet. I did
take a picture of you standing there in that little alley smiling and laughing
in the rain. Oh we really did have fun back then didn't we? Oh Joanne, are we
making a big mistake? I know our relationship has been on the rocks for
some time, but are you sure we can't reconcile and try again? I still love
you. Oh Jeff, I love you too. I'm so glad we didn't have to decide who keeps the
motorcycle. The motorcycle? But that's mine!
Alright we're back. So a very interesting dialogue all about divorce. Now this is a
very common situation nowadays in many countries such as the United States or
Europe. Divorce rates are very high lately like in the past 10-20 years. Yeah
they do say that since maybe the 70s or 80s divorce rates have been on the rise.
I think the average now in America is about 50%. Yeah it's like 5 in 10
marriages and in divorce. That's right. And then from what I understand or I
read once, I think out of those 50% that get divorced, if they remarry again the
probabilities of those that get remarried are again half. So most likely
people will get divorced at least twice. That's true. Although sometimes you meet
people who got married when they were very very young and they realized that
they grew up a little bit and their personality changed or their goals
changed and they divorced that one time but then later in life when they marry
again they know who they are. They get married again and it's better. So I think
the situations are all quite different but it is true that there are a lot of a
lot of divorces in America. What about Ecuador though? I mean is the divorce
rate similar? No not really. I think people are still a little bit more
old-fashioned in that sense like it was before you know it was even a little bit
taboo to be divorced. Yeah. But I don't think people get divorced as often
especially if people have been together for quite a while. That's one of the
things that surprises me a lot is I've met people who have been married 20-30
years and then get divorced. It's like what if it's like you've been through
the toughest times you know you've pretty much beat the odds and why do you
get divorced at such a late age? Yeah it does seem counterintuitive but it's
possible that they were unhappy for that time and they didn't want to affect
their children's lives. Right. So when their children go to college or leave
they say okay now I can I can you know make a big decision. I know in countries
for example such as Chile divorce is still illegal. I think in the Philippines
as well. Really? Yeah it's still illegal to get divorced. Is that because they're
very religious countries? I know Chile is not really that religious. I don't
know what it is exactly by law but a lot of people I think it may be legal now I
can't really remember very well I think one of our Chilean listeners can help
us out here but I know a lot of people used to annul their marriages because of
this. I see. So they would be like oh I put the wrong address so no this marriage
is not it's not valid. Right or I spelled my name wrong. Yeah yeah. Interesting. Well I'd be
curious to know as you said whether any of our Chilean friends know more about
this or for the rest of you in your country is divorce common? Is it
uncommon? Are there laws that prohibit or that allow divorce? Let us know on our
website EnglishPod.com. Alright we'll see you guys there. Bye.